22. June 2026
What my Nonna taught me….Looking at 40!
I realised I have not updated for a while, in fact my last entry was rather a sad one. However, today I’m all about celebration!
Recently I’ve been working on an update for the Paperback of The Carry On Girls and finished up my second book. Often when I write I credit my Nonna, as the person who introduced me to film, tv and many actresses and performers. I thought I’d share today more about my Nonna and her other influences on my life.
In October I turned 40 and I started thinking about my Nonna a lot. I lost her in July 2013 and I had just returned from living in Italy and got to spend the last six weeks of her life with her.
Turning 40 has mixed emotions, I’m sure like most women it plays on the mind that we are moving into our middle-age and suddenly there’s a difference in how we might act, behave, think, even down to what we wear. It’s at this time in my life, more than ever, I can hear my Nonna’s voice in my head.
Let’s take the idea of turning 40 first of all. I’ve started to worry about weight! Yep, bloating, puffiness and then googling every cramp or slightly delayed symptom to see if I’m peri-menopause. I’m not, thankfully, but it took my worry at turning 40 to actually speaking to a doctor to realise this. Why does this affect us as women so much? I’ve not even spoken to many girlfriends about it, other than, “yeah I think I’m perimenopause too”. Yet in Nonna’s day, I doubt she even knew the term perimenopause and in fact told me she stopped having periods at 40. Eeeek! I was worried about this too, I told my doctor and she said “ok that’s really young, I don’t think you’re even close” phew! Although I must admit I can’t wait for Aunt Flow to no longer visit.
What I’ve started to notice, with myself and even with some friends, colleagues and even people watching, we suddenly just cover our bodies up. We think, oh god I can’t wear that any more, it’s too tight because we’ve gained shape around our tummies, thighs, arms, face - you name it! Yet I found a photo of my Nonna at 40, thought “wow she looks fabulous”. To be fair, it was only shoulders up but it got me thinking about Nonna’s advice and style.
I must admit, my Nonna, my mum and I have been blessed with good skin. I often get asked what I use and do to have such good skin. To be honest, I’ve been the worst for skin care routines. In my 20s and even 30s I’d go to bed with make up on, I never cleansed or toned unless I had a facial (which was probably about once every two years because I would get a break out of spots after each time). Looking back I don’t think I even used moisturiser, I just plonked my foundation on and put a bit of eye shadow and some blush on and off I went. Lovely times!
But ... .and here is the but! Nonna and my mum always told me “You must put cream on your face, and always the neck darling - you must do your neck as that ages faster”. I asked Nonna what her skin routine was and she said “Soap and water on your face when you have a bath and vaseline before bed!” Ok, I’m not so sure about the vaseline, I’m too scared to even try it, but this was Nonna’s advice. Even soap and water can make any dermatologist raise a brow, but like I said, we are blessed with good skin, so maybe we can get away with it? I did through my 30s do soap and water and actually still do now and again. I like it, my skin feels clean and not tacky, but that’s just me. At 40 though, yes I’m cleansing. Maybe twice a week or if I need to get my make up off after a dinner party (yes I go to dinner parties now, not clubbing). It’s come naturally mainly because I just hate the way my skin feels when I wake up with last night’s make up still on - soap and water to the rescue on those occasions.
Nonna also told me about facemasks and said you should always give yourself time for a facemask and some cucumber under the eyes. Have a nice long bath and pamper yourself some evenings, then get an early night. This has led me to starting what I call “A Nonna Evening” which started when I used to live on my own. Nonna always used to swear by putting a drop of lavender on your pillow to help you sleep. In recent years we’ve seen homeopathy fill our shelves and I always smile when I see a lavender pillow spray now. Nonna was onto something, but as a teen, twenty something, hell even thirty something, I thought this was a bonkers idea. Oh Nonna, we could have made a fortune back then before it was on trend!
As for make-up, it felt like Nonna never wore very much, but she did! She used it very simply, and actually I’ve also taken to applying simple make-up and people are complimenting me on my skin and telling me I look well. Before I would wear heavy eyeliner under the eye, now I don’t bother, I wear simple eye shadow, with a line on my top lid and a bit of mascara. Then my foundation (Nonna always had powder, but I’ve not got there yet) and blusher - Nonna always had blusher. The piste de resistance was lipstick. Nonna and mum would both tell me - “you must never leave the house without make up”. I think I said “but I’m ok if I pop to the shop” and they would both protest “no never”. As a matter of fact I might just put my foundation to go to Sainsbury’s, and I feel pretty naked and worry about what people must think - crazy I know! Nonna’s signature staple though was the lipstick, it came everywhere in her handbag, which looked exactly like the ones the Queen had - only shiny black.
Nonna’s handbag smelled exactly as I remember her: lavender and Polo mints, with a faint powdery sweetness from her compact and perfume spray. She also had a purse with a lucky coin in it, a card to St. Jude (the patron saint for “hopeless cases” Nonna would say) She would pray to St. Jude as she said she always felt she was a hopeless case and he was the only Saint that always answered her prayers. She also had a set of rosary beads, clear plastic beads. There certainly is something in Italian grandmothers which blend spiritualism and superstition. And a handkerchief, for tears, for wiping the brow, for pressing your lips into after applying red lipstick and more often than not, wiping my face when I ate food that smudged around my cupid's bow. Simple. Oh and keys! If I close my eyes, I can still smell that handbag—that cool mint sharpness softened by lavender smelling lining and face powder, with traces of lipstick wax and old leather. It was the scent of comfort, prayer, and practicality.
Nonna would always touch up her lipstick after meals, and I’ve seen my mum do it and many actresses over the age of 70 do it. In fact I was with a Carry On Actress who forgot her lipstick once and was panicking until my mum lent the actress hers - see Nonna taught us well.
Now another thing about turning 40 us ladies start to experience is the bloat! The flat stomachs we had when we could eat a lot of crap food and still look great becomes somewhat of a struggle. Mine appeared post-baby-loss and for many friends it’s post-baby. Then I look at friends who’ve not had children and they’re experiencing the same thing.Good old water retention. Yet Nonna, despite her being only 4ft 9” never really spoke of this, she said you “put weight on in your change” and trust me with Italian women, they are not afraid to tell you that you are"fat "! You’re not fat by the way, you’re just carrying more roundness. And there’s no malice meant by it, even if we die a little bit inside when they say it, because Italian grandmothers and mothers know how to throw a killer emotional punch. They mean it with love and it’s a lot of transference of what they have experienced themselves. I remember Nonna telling me I had a little cellulite on my hips when she saw a photo of me in a bikini - but she didn’t say it as a cruel or nasty comment, she said it with a little smile. It was like she was saying “Ah you’re becoming a woman”.
Yes by all means cut out certain habits - coca cola was one of mine now I hardly touch it, oh and prosecco doesn’t sit too well on my tummy any more so I have it on rare occasions. Nonna never spoke about this though, but what she did say was “you must dress your age”. Now when I was younger I thought that meant like an old lady. So bam, I hit 40 and six months before I've taken an entire wardrobe which went back to 2004 to the charity shop and suddenly have hardly any clothes. Ok, so I’ve got bigger, I thought “damn, I’ve got to go up a dress size, I’ll never be small again” and IT.GETS.YOU.DOWN!
For the perspective of men - I made my husband clear out some books and CDs because we literally didn’t have space - he was very upset about this and thought I was being ruthless - but deep inside he had no idea I was literally crying that my clothes were in the charity shop because I could no longer wear them. I think we both experienced a different kind of loss that day. Made worse by the fact that every time I go past the charity shop, my clothes are hanging up in the window display. Well I know one thing, I had style! I could hear Nonna saying “You're married now, you must dress like a married woman!” To which you might think, oh great I have to look like a frump, but actually what she meant was sophisticated for yourself - you no longer have to prove to the world or indeed men you are beautiful, because now you are beautiful for yourself, and that’s just fabulous. Or if you’re single and happy with that, then you dress beautifully because you are doing it for you.
Turning 40 I felt the need to cover up. I got married at 35 and I bought my wedding dress with sleeves on because I remember Nonna always saying “as you get older cover your arms”. When I took my dress to be altered by a Spanish seamstress the first thing she said was “we’re going to lose the sleeves”. I was really worried about this, but she said “you have great arms, show them”. I thought “oh no I’m not toned or skinny” but actually she was right to lose the sleeves, I did have good arms and my wedding day was a warm day so I was grateful for that. When I do feel a little self-conscious I follow Nonna’s advice and put a cardigan on, but actually I don’t think she was talking about 40 - she was talking about herself at 80! I get it now, and I’m starting to wear things in the summer which allow me to be sleeveless but elegant.
That’s the thing, as soon as the roundness shape starts, we cover up, baggy jumpers, loose clothes. But actually what Nonna always taught me was, “ if you wear good underwear then you can wear anything”. Again, she was right, I invest now in my Nonna pants and a good bra. She would always say “when you lose weight the first place it goes is your chest”. So now I have several bras which help when I fluctuate and ladies, we do, and that’s perfectly ok. The result of good underwear is teaching me more about style, looking at my body and seeing that I have a good waist, so again, following Nonna’s advice, I put on a belt that defines it more and makes the eye focus on the good points. So yes, my next charity shop run is throwing out the bulky clothes and embracing the new figure I have to enhance and not hide.
Nonna never really said much about diet, she wasn’t a cook - yes folks I must be the rare italian grandchild who’s Nonna couldn’t cook! She would admit it. She ate like a bird in her old age. However she would have water, and always said “if you don’t like the taste add some lemon or cucumber” - hmmm isn’t that a trend now? She also was very pro-eating food which gives you iron, which means meat. I’m sorry to the vegans out there, but at 40 I was diagnosed with low iron. I eat meat, and some controversial ones at that, not all the time, but when I’m feeling fatigued I cook some red meat. I love it. And if I feel tired, I always go for a nap, when I’m not working. Another Nonna thing - she always said sleep and rest was the best.
One thing I have most certainly inherited from Nonna is getting my hair done! She would go weekly to the hairdresser and her hair was jet black until the day she died. At 40 she had told me she had gone completely white. I have noticed very few fine greys at my sides and I literally freak out and get some hair dye. My husband often says “I never know who I’m waking up with when you dye your hair”. I’m not prepared to embrace grey - well I’ve not gone grey, and I blame Nonna for that immensely. Nonna was always friggin about with her hair and I’m just the same. Although I admit, my hairdresser always compliments me on my colour, so I’m doing something right. Nonna also never painted her nails because she would say “an old lady with painted nails is disgusting”. I’m inclined to agree with her there. She had a fit when we went to see Titanic the movie and the old lady had painted toe nails “schifosa!” she cried out loud in the cinema - which means disgusting!
But she did paint her nails when she was young, and I do paint my nails, especially my toes for the summer. Nonna and my mum always painted their nails themselves and I have just followed suit. Occasionally I have them done, perhaps once a year, but to be honest, I can’t be bothered with sitting around waiting. Sitting in a salon getting my hair cut, fine, I enjoy that. Getting my nails done is an utter chore! Especially my feet, as Nonna would always say “putting your feet in a bath where other people have is dirty”. So yes I always paint my own toes. And she would say “the day you can’t bend down and paint them yourself then you shouldn’t be painting them”. Fair point. I paint my hands if I have something special on, and on very special occasions I will get them done, but I don’t find it relaxing. Later in life I asked her why she didn’t paint her finger nails and of course she said “an old lady at my age, ridiculous!”. But when I pushed her she said “your hands will always show your true age, yes keep them nice, manicure them, but remember to style them to your age”. Good advice really. I also don’t see the point of hand cream and that also comes from Nonna. She would say “Don’t waste your money on that, when you’ve finished creaming your face you rub the excess into your hands and it will do the same job”. Thrifty Nonna.
Nonna’s final staple style tip was that she always wore pearls. She rarely wore earnings, yet I am mad about wearing my earrings. I have been from the age of three, when I had my ears pierced. I was constantly putting clip ons in so my mum got them done, which apparently Nonna was not very happy about. Although when I made my Holy Communion at 7, Nonna bought me a pair of pear earrings and said “You can wear these but only on your wedding day or if you’re over 40”. I did wear them on my wedding day, which was their first ever outing since receiving them at 7, and I do still have them but maybe now I’m 40 I will wear them more. Nonna always said I could wear pearls after 40, and that’s when she started wearing pearls.
Other things I have from Nonna's now are rings and a Christine Dior eyebrow pencil she bought me when I was about 20. I still use it, but sparingly because the more I sharpen that little fella the more I lose Nonna. So I keep that pencil in my make-up back and she’s doing very well 20 years on. Nonna said I didn’t need an eyebrow pencil in my 20s but I would one day and that day is starting to arrive.
So here I am eight months into turning 40 and suddenly I’m realising that I understand my Nonna more now than I ever did. Of course I want to ask her about all sorts of things, but actually what I’m learning is to accept my body in a new form, I’m not old, I must stay groomed and elegant and this could be a pretty fabulous decade!
Grazie Nonna xx